Why can't kids behave? Parents undermine discipline, say teachers

Teachers blame parents for the rise in student misbehavior, writes Olina Banerji in Education Week. If they call parents for support in dealing with disrespect, defiance or even violence, some parents blame the teacher. "Students just aren’t scared of consequences," say teachers in an EdWeek survey.

A majority of teachers surveyed "wanted limits on how much parents can undermine the consequences their kids get," she reports. Fifty-eight percent said parents need "to teach their kids how to behave appropriately in a school setting."

While more parents may be indulging their children, schools have become much looser too.

Since the Obama administration's 2014 “Dear Colleague” letter, which complained of higher punishment rates for black and Hispanic students, "schools have tried to follow a gentler, more 'restorative' approach to student discipline," writes Banerji. Suspensions and expulsions are down. But the softer approach "has had limited success in curbing behavioral issues, and it has garnered criticism — largely from teachers — for letting students off the hook with few to no consequences."

Sending a disruptive student to the principal's office is useless, teachers on social media complain. The student will return to class in five or 10 minutes with a snack.

"NYC teachers call it the Jolly Rancher Discipline Code," tweets @JimVolkland. "Even if a Principal wants to suspend a kid, their hands are tied by the District Office."

Close to half of teachers in EdWeek's survey said that “more support” from school leaders in dealing with discipline would be very helpful in maintaining order, she reports. But that's "tricky for school leaders when parents disagree with a consequence or assign blame elsewhere."

So, teachers can't rely on support from their students' parents and they can't rely on support from their school's administrators.

Some blame the lingering effects of school closures, writes Banerji. Students lost social skills as well as reading and math skills. The old habits -- go to school every day, follow the rules, don't expect it to be all about you -- were shattered.

The High Costs of Classroom Disorder include teacher attrition and lost learning, writes Neetu Arnold, a Manhattan Institute policy analyst, in City Journal. "Teachers cite chronic student misbehavior as the top source of stress and burnout, ranking it above workload and even pay."

She primarily blames lax discipline systems for the rise in classroom anarchy, but parents who think their child can do no wrong play a role too.

Jennifer Hill, an Arizona teacher, called a father whose child had hit another with a rubber ruler, leaving welts. He accused her of lying. The victim's father blamed her for letting it happen. "The principal sided with the misbehaving student's parent and imposed zero consequences."

Ben Foley, a veteran middle-school teacher in California, resigned mid-year, exhausted by the chaos. He'd always used "direct instruction: a structured, teacher-led method with a strong evidence base, especially effective for at-risk kids," she writes. But it was impossible, he said. “I’d be interrupted so many times that I would give up and . . . revert to what the norm is at these schools, which is group work.” Other teachers built lessons around “vast arsenals of colored pencils," he told her. “It’s a fantastic pacifier.”

"Restorative" conversations with misbehaving students won't prevent disorder, unless there also are meaningful consequences, concludes Jennifer Weber in a 2025 Manhattan Institute study focusing on New York City schools. In some schools, "teachers are left with no clear path to protect themselves or restore order." Their instructional time is disrupted. "Students lose the structure that they need to succeed."

The disorder may be linked to high absenteeism rates, she writes. Why bother to show up if the teacher's not going to be able to teach?