You are here: Home / Archives for self-esteem

Why so many hyperactive kids?

October 8, 2011 by

Nine percent of school-age children in America have attention deficit disorder, according to a health professional.   Why so many? Pediatrician Lawrence Diller blames a growing willingness to medicalize childhood misbehavior.  Uncertain about discipline and worried too much about self-esteem, parents turn to professionals, who are quick to prescribe drugs for what may be “minor differences in children’s behavior or performance.”

Children are under more stress at school, Diller adds.

. . . more than 20 years ago kindergartners only had to sing the ABCs and play “ring around the rosie.” Now, they are expected to read and do simple math before the start of first grade.

When both parents are working, children spend a long day trying to meet the “behavioral demands” of structured preschool and  after-school programs, he writes. “Parents are tired, too, when they finally get their kids at the end of the day.”

Via I Speak of Dreams.

Filed Under: Children, Health, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Most students think they're above average

June 23, 2011 by

College students are more confident about their intellectual and social skills than in the past, according to a UCLA  survey of first-year students. They’re overconfident, San Diego State Psychology Professor Jean Twenge, author of Generation Me, tells AP.

A larger percentage of incoming college freshmen rated themselves as “above average’’ in several categories compared with college freshmen surveyed in the 1960s, observes Twenge’s study, which is published in Self and Identity, a British journal.

When it came to social self-confidence, about half of freshmen questioned in 2009 said they were above average, compared with fewer than a third in 1966. Meanwhile, 60 percent in 2009 rated their intellectual self-confidence as above average, compared with 39 percent in 1966, the first year the survey was given.

In the study, the authors also assert that intellectual confidence may have been bolstered by grade inflation, noting that in 1966, only 19 percent of college students who were surveyed earned an A or A-minus average in high school, compared with 48 percent in 2009.

“So students might be more likely to think they’re superior because they have been given better grades,’’ Twenge says.

Others see little change in young people over the years or argue that increased confidence can be a positive.

Filed Under: College Tagged With: , , , ,

Trophy kids in therapy

June 17, 2011 by

Parents who protect their children from frustration and disappointment, who turn every failure into “good try!” and every routine task into “great job!,” who devote themselves to making their children happy all the time are raising empty, confused, anxious, unhappy young adults who can’t deal with the normal frustrations of life, writes therapist Lori Gottlieb in The Atlantic.

Patients in their 20s or early 30s  report depression, anxiety,  difficulty choosing or committing to a satisfying career path, poor relationships, a sense of emptiness or lack of purpose — and loving, caring, endlessly supportive parents who are “my best friends in the whole world” and “always there for me.”

Since the 1980s, self-esteem has risen in tandem with rates of anxiety and depression, says Jean Twenge, co-author of The Narcissism Epidemic and professor of psychology at San Diego State University.

“Narcissists are happy when they’re younger, because they’re the center of the universe,” Twenge explains. “Their parents act like their servants, shuttling them to any activity they choose and catering to their every desire. Parents are constantly telling their children how special and talented they are.”

. . . In early adulthood, this becomes a big problem. “People who feel like they’re unusually special end up alienating those around them,” Twenge says. “They don’t know how to work on teams as well or deal with limits. They get into the workplace and expect to be stimulated all the time, because their worlds were so structured with activities. They don’t like being told by a boss that their work might need improvement, and they feel insecure if they don’t get a constant stream of praise. . . . They grew up in a bubble, so they get out into the real world and they start to feel lost and helpless. Kids who always have problems solved for them believe that they don’t know how to solve problems. And they’re right—they don’t.”

Instead of learning to face frustration at the age if six, when a better soccer team wins the game, overprotected kids face it for the first time in college, says Wendy Mogel, a clinical psychologist and author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee. And that’s only if Mom and Dad don’t swoop in to save the day.

Parents refuse to believe their children might be average, Mogel says. “Every child is either learning-disabled, gifted, or both.” Parents prefer a learning-disability diagnosis to the possibility their child just isn’t all that smart. “They believe that ‘average’ is bad for self-esteem.” (A friend who was a school psychologist in an affluent suburb told me the exact same thing.)

Self-esteem doesn’t predict happiness, writes Gottlieb, “especially if the self-esteem comes from constant accommodation and praise rather than earned accomplishment.” Perseverance, resiliency, and reality-testing are better predictors of fulfillment and success.

It makes me feel thankful I wasn’t that nice to my kid. Her father and I made a habit of singing “You can’t always get what you want” to her when she confused her desires with reality.

Filed Under: Children, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Wristbands for all?

December 3, 2010 by

Wristbands for students who scored “proficient” or “advanced” on the state exam, plus an invitation to a barbecue, spurred a parent protest at Thorner Elementary School in Bakersfield, California.

“It’s good to recognize kids, but they’re humiliating the kids who didn’t do well,” (parent Charlie) Pike said.

This, he said, was unfair to students who traditionally score lower on standardized tests and might not reach proficiency no matter how hard they try — mainstreamed special education students, for example.

After Pike complained, the school included all students in the barbecue, which featured hot dogs and chips. But the debate continues, reports the Bakersfield Californian.

. . .  parents, teachers, administrators and testing experts say schools must be careful when rewarding students on how they do on state tests. It’s more important to reward student gains, or the student body as a whole, than subgroups, they say.

Proficiency can be “an unfair target” for some students, said Morgan Polikoff, a University of Southern California professor.

About 60 percent of Thorner Elementary students scored proficient or better in English last school year, 67 percent in math, and 40 percent in science. That’s significantly higher than the local average in English and math.

Phillip Brown of the California Teachers Association, said it’s a mistake to reward students based on test scores.

“It’s a very positive thing to recognize kids for their achievements,” Brown said. “But you recognize them as a group for working together and working hard. Recognition needs to be where it enhances and brings everybody in at the same time.”

Students can be recognized for achievement only as a group? Just like teachers.

Recognizing students who make significant progress, along with those who’ve achieved proficiency, would make sense.  But the idea that it’s unfair to honor  achievers . . .

Filed Under: Education Tagged With: , , ,

Short-term mentors don’t help kids

September 22, 2010 by

Mentors can help students’ succeed — or harm their chances, reports Education Week. Long-term mentoring relationships benefit children. Students with short-term mentors — less than six months — do worse than those with no mentor at all, concludes David L. DuBois, a University of Illinois at Chicago researcher and a co-author of a study in the Society for Research in Child Development’s Social Policy Report.

“You could actually see studies where the youth in the treated group end up showing more negative change to things like self-esteem, propensity to get involved in risky behavior” than the control group, Mr. DuBois said in a panel on the studies earlier this month. “So obviously, it’s a handle-with-care intervention.”

Low-performing schools often try to recruit volunteers to serve as mentors. Federal funding for school-based programs peaked at more than $100 million in 2006. But most school-based programs don’t create lasting mentor-student relationships. In three studies, researchers found the mentor-student relationship averaged less than six months.

. . . The Social Policy Report meta-analysis found school mentoring programs improved students’ sense of academic efficacy, the level of peer support they had, and relationships with adults outside the family, while reducing truancy and school misconduct, provided the students remained in the program for a year. Still, the researchers noted that the results suggested those improvements could be lost if the students’ mentoring did not continue.

Most school-based mentoring programs last a semester or an academic year and include only campus activities. But  “41 percent of students in the Big Brothers Big Sisters study continued to meet with their mentor, both in school and out, into a second year.” The “bigs” spent more time with their ”littles” and developed a closer bond.

I just volunteered to be tutor two elementary students in reading. Since I travel quite a bit, I enlisted my sister to fill in when I’m out of town. I don’t want the kids thinking they’ve been forgotten. Of course, Peggy and I no longer pass for identical twins.

Filed Under: Education Tagged With: , , , ,

Everybody passes

June 24, 2010 by

As a fifth-grade teacher, Tracey can’t hold students back, she writes in Stories from School.

I’m supposed to write on Jordan’s report card that he is promoted to sixth grade. He shouldn’t be promoted to sixth grade. He hasn’t done the work at fifth grade. He reads at a third grade level. He’s not ready for sixth grade. Yet, I’m not allowed to make the decision that this child needs a second chance at fifth grade. I have to promote him because it might hurt him emotionally to not be with his friends.

I’ve had other students like Jordan before – students who miss a third of the school year, students who don’t try because they’re so far behind as it is, and students who never do the assignments.

Elementary students don’t know that school policy bans retention. Some will work harder to make sure they’re promoted. But they’re going to figure it out next year when Jordan shows up in sixth grade. Lesson: Showing up and doing the work doesn’t matter.

A high school teacher was amazed and appalled to learn that everybody passes in elementary school. It did explain why her high school students were so surprised when they had to repeat a class they’d failed.

I wonder if the decision to promote elementary students, regardless of their knowledge and skills, has been worth it? We know this decision isn’t a cure-all for low self-esteem, because these students know they’re behind. Do they “catch up” in middle school and high school?

Usually, they have to repeat ninth grade. Then they drop out.

Filed Under: Education Tagged With: , ,

Win by too much and you lose

June 7, 2010 by

A Canadian youth soccer league has a new rule: If a team wins by more than five goals, it forfeits the game. From the National Post:

Bruce Cappon, father of a player, called the rule ludicrous.

“I couldn’t find anywhere in the world, even in a communist country, where that rule is enforced,” he said.

Mr. Cappon said the organization is trying to “reinvent the wheel” by fostering a non-competitive environment. The league has 3,000 children enrolled ranging in age from four to 18 years old.

“Everybody wants a close game, nobody wants blowouts, but we don’t want to go by those farcical rules that they come up with,” he said. “Heaven forbid when these kids get into the real world. They won’t be prepared to deal with the competition out there.”

Coaches are urged to prevent blow-outs by “rotating players out of their usual positions, ensuring players pass the ball around, asking players to kick with the weaker foot, taking players off the field and encouraging players to score from farther away.”

I’d think it would be more humilating to see the other team deliberately not try to score than it would be to lose by a big margin.

Filed Under: Children Tagged With: , ,

Competition comes back

May 24, 2010 by

Competition — the old-fashioned kind with winners and losers — is making a come back, writes June Kronholz on Education Next.  Despite educators’ qualms, smart kids are signing up for bees, bowls and academic olympiads.

The Scripps National Spelling Bee is using harder and harder words –  Laodicean, Maecenas, menhir, apodyterium, herniorrhaphy in 2009 — because more and more competitors are working harder and harder.

Today’s teachers generally cringe at everything about that development. All those hours spent on one narrow academic focus! All that rote learning! All that stressful competition! And if some children shine on that national stage, what about the self-esteem of every other child whose luster is publicly shown to be not as bright?

Still, the National Spelling Bee and the National Geographic Bee are booming; so is MATHCOUNTS, sponsored by the National Society of Professional Engineers and technology companies.  Then there’s “the National Science Bowl sponsored by the U.S. Department of Energy, a Bible Bowl, grammar bowls, and an International Brain Bee, where finalists identify the parts and functions of the brain—using human brains.”

Bee contestants tend to be high achievers in everything, Kronholz writes.

They challenge themselves with the toughest courses their schools offer, and still make time for sports, Key Club, Boy Scouts, piano, or the school robotics team. Some claim Rolodex memories; others attribute their success to hard—really hard—work.

But educators dislike competition because they fear many students will see themselves as losers and quit trying.

Susan Brookhart, a former education professor turned consultant on testing and motivation, says competition is good only for the winners.  Competition “creates this idea among students that there are winners and losers, and ‘puts them in their place’ in that universe,” Brookhart added.

That thinking has reshaped teaching over the past two decades. Classroom work is more collaborative and team-based, especially in math and science, where girls in particular are said to have benefited. Tracking and ability grouping have fallen into disfavor, easing the slower-learner stigma. Portfolio assessments are gaining ground. Report cards set out individualized goals.

During the self-esteem movement of the 1990s, “schools dropped honor rolls, the class valedictorian, and assemblies that recognized academic stars, but not, of course, assemblies that recognized football or basketball or golf stars. . . . Everyone got a ‘good job’ sticker, good job or not.”

For top students, there’s little public recognition. The best students usually can find gifted-and-talented programs and accelerated classes, Kronholz writes. But some want more challenge — and a chance to impress elite universities. They love to win, but they’re not crushed by defeat. Competing is “fun,” contestants tell Kronholz.

Filed Under: Education Tagged With: , , , , ,

Mandatory niceness

October 1, 2009 by

Barry Rubin’s 10-year-old son, an anthropologist studying fourth-grade American classrooms, reports on the friendship worksheet.

The guidance counselor said: “The point of this is when you are sad then you look at the page and you feel better because this person thinks those nice things about you.”

My son, bless him, replied, “Of course the person is going to say nice things because it’s a project.”

The teacher paired off students and assigned them to praise each other.  The worksheet supplied 28 adjectives “ranging from kind and dependable through funny and nice.” Under predicates, students could choose from 14 items including “is nice,” “cares about others,” “has good ideas,” and “is a good sport.”

There is a choice at the end to write in something but the direction is foreclosed because one alternative begins with “is good at ___” and the other “is great at ____.”

. . . Finally, comes a “friendship sentence” to be written using the words chosen above. In my son’s case, he received the following: “You are a good and nice friend who is kind and learns quickly.”

This took thirty minutes of class time.

Niceness also prevails on the playing fields of affluent communities, Rubin adds. Boys don’t play hard, yet they’re showered with praise. 

The coach and parents keep telling the kids how well they are doing, how every play they are making is terrific. My son mimics this with an exaggerated: “Isn’t that great!”

In Israel, where the Rubins lived before moving to Maryland, coaches yell and kids play to win.

Filed Under: Children Tagged With: ,

'Plain Pam' doll to boost girls' esteem

June 7, 2009 by

Is Barbie too stacked for your daughter’s self-esteem? Mattel is bringing out a homely doll called Plain Pamela, “designed to boost the confidence of girls ages 7 to 12,” reports The Onion, which specializes in satire.

The pale, unsightly plaything, which has a plastic torso scaled to the proportions of a 5-foot-4, 179-pound woman in her mid-30s, is being touted as the first toy expressly intended to raise the sense of physical and emotional self-worth in preteen females.

. . . Modestly priced at $7.99, each Plain Pamela doll comes prepackaged with a variety of unflattering and ill-fitting blouses to drape over her shapeless torso, as well as a packet of paste-on psoriasis spots to apply along her arms and back.

Plain Pam is preprogrammed to say phrases such as “I wish I was pretty like you,” and “That’s okay, you go out and have fun without me.”

. . . Plain Pamela comes with four interchangeable hairstyles: Just-Woke-Up, Too-Long, Too-Short, and What’s-the-Point-of-Even-Trying-Anymore-It’s-Not-Like-It’s-Going-to-Make-a-Difference.

. . . Mattel plans in the future to sell a number of playsets for the doll, including the Plain Pamela Cramped Studio Apartment, complete with special Dinner-for-One Kitchenette and Depressing Stack of Old People Magazines.

Other “psychologically reassuring” dolls planned for fall release include Lil’-Too-Drunk Linda and Plain Pamela’s Sympathetic Gay Friend, Craig. Next year, look for Timorous Tim, a cowardly action figure for boys who feel intimidated by GI Joe.

Filed Under: Children, Culture Tagged With: , ,
«Older Posts
Newer Posts»