If your nanny isn’t a chef . . .

If your nanny serves mac and cheese instead of citrus-glazed salmon and a gluten-free kale salad, hire a nanny consultant to turn the sitter into a chef, advises the New York Times in its Style section.

Don’t have time to sneer at the affluent kale-snappers? Allison Benedikt will handle it — free! — on Slate’s XX blog.

For $2,500, the upper-class New York City family gets 30 to 40 recipes based on their child’s eating habits and “areas for improvement,” plus shopping and cooking instruction for the nanny.

(A consultant will) come to your home for a two-day cooking demonstration, during which your nanny, who up until now has been eating all the wrong peaches, will learn how to debone a fish, cook Tunisian couscous with braised carrots, and make cinnamon ice cream with toasted almonds.

Erela Yashiv, 5, “likes pizza and cupcakes,” reports the Times. Mom wants her daughter to “adopt a more refined and global palate, whether it’s a gluten-free kale salad or falafel made from organic chickpeas.”

Both parents work and don’t have the time. And their Wisconsin-bred nanny “does not always know the difference between quinoa and couscous.”

Some nannies “are throwing chicken fingers in the oven, or worse, the microwave,” a consultant tells the Times.

So how did Erela’s parents even let it get to this point, where their young child actually likes pizza? asks Benedikt.

“We were too basic with her food in the beginning, so we want marc&mark to help us explore more sophisticated food that has some diversity and flavor,” [Johnson] said. “I don’t want her growing up not liking curry because she never had it.”

“Thankfully, Johnson and her husband caught the curry deficiency in time and were able to get the outside help they need,” writes Benedikt.

When the nanny moves on, she’ll be able to command a higher wage because of her skill in quinoa identification, adds Matt Yglesias.

Commenter Chris Hayes suggests the New York Times rename its Style section “First Up Against the Wall.”

How the elite college students eat

Steve the hasher was serving our table in the college dorm dining hall.”Hey, Steve,” said one of my table mates. “You’ve got your thumb in the mashed potatoes.”

Steve said, loudly, “I’m the only guy here who will admit he masturbates.” Then he plopped the bowl on the table.

I skipped the mashed potatoes that evening.

Dining at Stanford has gone upscale, according to How Students Eat Now in Stanford Magazine.

During the past decade, Stanford has built one dining commons and renovated older ones, replacing “cook and park” steam tables with stations where items are made to order. They’ve recruited chefs with a flair for vegetarian and ethnic cuisines, as well as experts in food safety, nutrition and allergen-free cooking.

At one dining area, students can watch their meals being prepared through a glass wall, then go upstairs to browse “an expansive salad bar topped with white ceramic bowls of organic oranges.”

On the back wall, a pizza oven blazes. Whole chickens, rubbed with pungent fresh oregano, twirl slowly on the rotisserie.

The executive chef, David Iott, worked at Ritz-Carlton hotels before coming to Stanford.

There are no plastic cafeteria trays, except upon request. Instead, diners stroll around holding china plates, as they would at a hotel buffet. Hormone-free skim milk, fair-trade Starbucks coffee and Crysalli Artisan Water are on tap. A Pepsi machine is tucked away in a corner. “We have to have that,” Iott says, a bit sadly. Then he brightens as he points out roasted organic carrots and an array of miniature decorated cheesecakes.

An elite university needs high-quality food service, says Eric Montell, executive director of Stanford Dining. The magazine adds, “From New Haven to Berkeley, American universities are pouring hundreds of millions of dollars into environmentally sustainable residences and dining facilities.”

I thought universities were trying to control costs so college will be financially sustainable for students and their parents. All that overpriced organic food and Artisan Water will turn into student debt.

Stanford undergrads pay $1,700 to $2,000 per quarter — up to $6,000 a year — for their miniature cheesecakes and Starbucks coffee. That doesn’t cover the full cost. Of course, most students receive financial aid to defray the cost of tuition, room and board, but fancy eats means the aid won’t go quite as far.

The greatest food in human history is the McDouble cheeseburger, writes Kyle Smith in the New York Post, quoting a Freakonomics commenter. McDonald’s McDouble is nutritious (390 calories, half a daily serving of protein) and usually sells for $1.

‘Sustainable’ food programs grow on campus

Thar’s gold in them thar greens. Community colleges are creating culinary and agriculture programs that stress food sustainability to prepare students for restaurant and food marketing jobs.

Breakfast at school — and at home

When all students get a free breakfast in their classrooms, instead of a cafeteria breakfast for low-income students who arrive early, they’re likely to eat it, reports the New York Times. In Newark, the number of students eating breakfast in school has tripled since the switch from cafeteria to classroom breakfasts. But 21 percent eat breakfast at home and at school, says the New York City health department. Breakfast in the Classroom is on hold in the Big Apple because of fears “all those classroom Cheerios and cheese sticks could lead to more obesity.”

Outside Public School 180 in Harlem, one of the schools that offer breakfast in classrooms, several parents expressed surprise on Thursday that their children might be eating two morning meals. Abraham El Bey said his son, Noah, 8, usually eats breakfast at home, but Noah immediately volunteered that he ate breakfast at school, too.

. . . Anne Morrison, whose son, Jude, 5, attends the same school, said she had adjusted what she fed him at home, knowing he would eat again at school.

“At school, it’s usually a muffin, a cheese stick and juice,” she said, adding, “I’m not so happy about the juice.”

About 40 percent of elementary and middle school students in New York City are overweight or obese, according to Linda I. Gibbs, the deputy mayor for health and human services.

The city is under pressure to add more high-poverty schools to the Breakfast in the Classroom program.

What’s for lunch? Feeding needy students

Some community colleges now provide food pantries for needy students. One college offers free soup and tutoring two day a week, funded by the sale of college-branded coffee.