Happy Humpty

For “creative reasons,” the BBC has changed the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty on its children’s channel, reports the Daily Express.

A version used on the CBeebies channel was altered so rather than “couldn’t put Humpty together again” all the King’s horses “made Humpty happy again”.

Reportedly, Little Miss Muffet also was changed “so that she made friends with the spider instead of running away.”

A commenter responds:

I for one can date the exact moment when my childhood was ripped from me, and that was when I first heard that Humpty Dumpty’s injuries were terminal. The callousness of how I was given the news after becoming so attached to him during the first line of the rhyme. I still haven’t found closure.

. . . Stupid nursery rhymes ruined my life! Save our children from this horror!!

Another commenter asks about other nursery characters: Will the BBC save Jack from falling down the hill, find Little Boy Blue’s sheep and keep unhygienic Goosey Goosey Gander out of my lady’s chamber?

Best of the Web, which wants to sic Child Protective Services on an elderly, shoe-dwelling woman, suggests a 21st century Humpty update.

Humpty Dumpty worked out on a beam
Humpty Dumpty had great self-esteem
All Gaia’s creatures and humanity
Made Humpty feel proud to be GLBT

For another view of Humpty Dumpty, I recommend Jasper Fforde’s The Big Over Easy. Inspector Jack Spratt tries to figure out if Humpty fell or was pushed.