The nation’s entire K-12 curriculum will be replaced by a single standardized test, reports The Onion. (Yes, satire.)
The four-hour-long Universal Education Assessment will take the place of classroom instruction and homework assignments, The Onion reports.
It will “cover all topics formerly taught in K-12 classrooms, including algebra, World War I, cursive penmanship, pre-algebra, state capitals, biology, letters of the alphabet, environmental science, civics, French, Newtonian mechanics, parts of speech, and the Cold War.” In addition, “sources said students will also be expected to demonstrate their knowledge of 19th-century American pioneer life, photosynthesis, and telling time.”
The test will include an essay section in which students will be able to choose from one of several prompts, ranging from “Describe the American system of federalism,” to “If I could be any animal in the world, I would be a…,” to “Write a book report on Lois Lowry’s The Giver.”