Study: College beats 4 years chained to radiator

Despite rising college costs, a four-year college education is a better investment of time and money than being chained to a radiator in a dank, unlit basement, concludes a new study reported in The Onion.

“Compared to the intellectual stimulation and personal growth achieved in a university setting, there is less to be gained from 48 months in which one is tightly shackled about the ankle and connected by a short length of chain to a leaking, immovable cast-iron radiator,” read the report. 

However, the prisoner who’s freed after four years will not owe any money.

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  1. Ah, but what if you were chained to a radiator in a well-stocked library and the books within your reach changed periodically?

  2. Ok, you got me.
    It took a few minutes before I noticed the “source” of this story.