Warning: Bears! Nuts! No recycling!

Sue Lyon and James Mason in Lolita

The National Association of Scholars has announced the winners of its Trigger Warning Contest:

Lolita: Disturbing novel.  Narrator DOES NOT RECYCLE. –Earl V. Bobb

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: Warning: May Contain Nuts — Greg Britton

Green Eggs and Ham: Glorifies GMOs — Jim Eltringham

Among the honorable mentions, my favorites are:

Goldilocks: Warning: bears! — Adam Kissel

The Road by Cormac McCarthy: Warning, portrays a low carb, high protein diet of free range, non-factory farmed meat in a negative light — Aaron Sheer

The NAS staff came up with some of its own:

Don Quixote:  scenes of graphic violence against alternative energy sources.

Beowulf: depictions of violence against endangered species.

In a satiric memo, Rob Zaretsky, a French history professor at the University of Houston,  warns that the Book of Job can be a real downer.

“Are you sure this is part of the Bible?” asked many respondents, who also exhibited intense unease with God’s actions, as they did with Job’s questions.

. . . While the groups’ expectations were raised when a voice came from the whirlwind, they were deflated by the voice’s answers — which, according to one respondent, weren’t answers at all. (“Like my parents, only worse.”) At the end of the session, a palpable sense of dread, along with isolated cases of fear and trembling, were in evidence — all matters of concern for our office.

The Iliad not only has no empowered women, but the dog Argo is left to die on a dung heap!

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  1. Das Kapital : Exposes gullibility of intellectuals. bonus: basis for the murder of millions. But next time will be different.

  2. I had a good chuckle reading these trigger warnings. What does it say about the state of education in this country that trigger warnings are needed for literature that is over 2000 years old. We have sunk to new depths of irrationalism. I find this is a consequence of the k-12 school system which has educated critical thinking OUT of students. It doesn’t help that professors encourage this nonsense.