If your nanny isn’t a chef . . .

If your nanny serves mac and cheese instead of citrus-glazed salmon and a gluten-free kale salad, hire a nanny consultant to turn the sitter into a chef, advises the New York Times in its Style section.

Don’t have time to sneer at the affluent kale-snappers? Allison Benedikt will handle it — free! — on Slate’s XX blog.

For $2,500, the upper-class New York City family gets 30 to 40 recipes based on their child’s eating habits and “areas for improvement,” plus shopping and cooking instruction for the nanny.

(A consultant will) come to your home for a two-day cooking demonstration, during which your nanny, who up until now has been eating all the wrong peaches, will learn how to debone a fish, cook Tunisian couscous with braised carrots, and make cinnamon ice cream with toasted almonds.

Erela Yashiv, 5, “likes pizza and cupcakes,” reports the Times. Mom wants her daughter to “adopt a more refined and global palate, whether it’s a gluten-free kale salad or falafel made from organic chickpeas.”

Both parents work and don’t have the time. And their Wisconsin-bred nanny “does not always know the difference between quinoa and couscous.”

Some nannies “are throwing chicken fingers in the oven, or worse, the microwave,” a consultant tells the Times.

So how did Erela’s parents even let it get to this point, where their young child actually likes pizza? asks Benedikt.

“We were too basic with her food in the beginning, so we want marc&mark to help us explore more sophisticated food that has some diversity and flavor,” [Johnson] said. “I don’t want her growing up not liking curry because she never had it.”

“Thankfully, Johnson and her husband caught the curry deficiency in time and were able to get the outside help they need,” writes Benedikt.

When the nanny moves on, she’ll be able to command a higher wage because of her skill in quinoa identification, adds Matt Yglesias.

Commenter Chris Hayes suggests the New York Times rename its Style section “First Up Against the Wall.”

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  1. Their biggest problem is that their nanny doesn’t cook frou-frou food? Boo hoo hoo.

    Meanwhile, the rest of us live in the unpretentious real world…

  2. That’s hilarious that they’re worried about a five-year-old’s preferred foods! Just four and a half years ago, she was probably subsisting entirely on breast milk, which is kind of like a warm milk shake when it comes to taste and content. If at age 12, the child still doesn’t want to eat curry, then the foodie parents can really worry. In the meantime, let her eat her pizza after trying a spoonful or two of what Mom and Dad are eating. It takes time and repeated exposure for a young person to appreciate foods that aren’t fatty, sweet, and bland.

  3. Are you sure this isn’t an Onion article?

  4. With a few word changes, this cartoon could be a kid’s reply to those parents. (And it popped up on my New Yorker calendar on Friday.)

  5. Dang, Kiana beat me to it. This is just….laughable. Or maybe sad, considering the nannies and au pairs with art degrees who are having to put up with this kind of pretentiousness in order to keep their jobs.