The Onion: 98% of kids are sociopaths

According to The Onion, a new study estimates that 98 percent of children under 10 are sociopaths “with little regard for anything other than their own egocentric interests and pleasures.”

. . . sociopaths often display superficial charm, pathological lying, manipulative behaviors, and a grandiose sense of self-importance.

The children studied also displayed many secondary hallmarks of antisocial personality disorder, most notably poor impulse control, an inability to plan ahead, and a proclivity for violence—often in the form of extended tantrums—when their needs were not immediately met.

When confronted with their actions, child sociopaths “had little or no capacity for expressing guilt, other than insincere utterances of  ‘sorry’ that were usually coerced.”

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  1. I love The Onion and yes, I am aware that it is satire. However, contrary to the Romantic view of children that tends to prevail in the progressive halls of education, there is an element of truth to this. Children are not inherently good, but must be socialized into acceptable behavior. Schools can certainly help, but it needs to start with parents for best results.

  2. The best humor contains a kernel of truth.

  3. “…kernel of truth”

    More like the whole darn tree!!!

  4. Obviously the humor has something to do with the “under 10” part, but I must be missing something. British-style understatement?

  5. The humor is the whole thing – “98% of children under 10 are sociopaths”. I laugh when I consider it. Because anyone who is a parent or teacher knows that ALL children under the age of…oh, say…21…are sociopaths! And I’m a parent of four and future teacher of many.