Comments on: Is marriage obsolete?

By: Bill Leonard

Bill Leonard — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:11:40 +0000

“I really expected more from Joanne’s readers.”

And what, exactly, did you expect, Kate? That those of us who are and have been reasonably happily married for a period of time (43 years, in my case) and have raised children who turned out to be educated, reasonably well-adjusted, reasonably succussful adults, would nevertheless jump on the Tsing Loh bandwagon of rationalization and self-justification and neurosis?

Her marriage failed, and from the evidence she presents, she is largely responsible — front and center, there is the furtive and tawdry extramarital affair, for instance.

By: ns

ns — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:54:51 +0000

I have very little respect for people who have failed (like Sandra in her marriage) and look around, saying that marriage itself doesn’t work and seeking out others who are all failing and living in miserable marriages too.

Instead, she can look at successful marriages and reflect on what makes those marriages work.

But she’s not doing that. She’s declaring marriages don’t work at all, and those of us who believe we have happy marriages are just in denial.

I have more respect for a person who has failed, learned, and gets back up again, instead of pulling the rest of us down.

By: Ragnarok

Ragnarok — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 13:28:36 +0000

Tracy,

As long as the kids do come first, we’re in agreement.

What I object to is the self-centredness I see in so many people, justified by the latest shallow pop-psychological theory.

And the losers are the children, who grow up thinking this is normal, and they then start the cycle all over again.

By: Tracy W

Tracy W — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 08:49:56 +0000

Ragnorak – I know that my brothers and I came first in our parents’ lives. But my parents still had careers. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. Mum and Dad were there when I had my operation, they devoted hours to our entertainment and edification, and Mum managed to run a company in partnership with another working mum, and to be chair of the Board of Trustees of our local primary school, and Dad managed to have a career too. In fact, although my Dad worked long hours, I reckoned from watching my friends’ dads that I saw as much of my father as they did of theirs, because my father never got absorbed in sports or some other hobby in which we kids weren’t allowed to share.

And my parents are still happily married. My mum’s proud statement is that “The very first time I met your Dad, I thought ‘here’s a man I won’t get bored with. And I haven’t.’”

By: Ragnarok

Ragnarok — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 05:28:13 +0000

And Kate said:

“She’s not allowed to have a career?”

What absolute drivel! When you have kids, they come first.

And spare me the progressive crap about “whole mothers” and similar tripe. THEY COME FIRST – if that wasn’t to your taste you shouldn’t have had them in the first place.

I won’t bother getting into commitment to her husband and so on – that’s clearly as far beyond her as it is beyond you.

By: Tom in GA

Tom in GA — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 03:38:30 +0000

Last time I checked there were a lot of people whose jobs kept them away for long periods of time or at least inconvenient periods of time who are able to remain happily married.

I can’t believe an educator or any intelligent person would fall for the vignette proof…

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:31:12 +0000

“Perhaps she ought to have spent more time working on her marriage and less time blathering away in the NY Times, the Atlantic, NPR, etc. trying to guilt trip those of us who’ve chosen not to enroll our kids in the government-run schools…”

Her husband’s a musician on tour 20 weeks out of the year–what’s she supposed to do? Drag two kids on the bus? She’s not allowed to have a career?

And Look at Me in a 1st person piece? Perish the thought!

I really expected more from Joanne’s readers.

By: Dan Willingham

Dan Willingham — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:13:35 +0000

This article screams “Look at meeeeeee!”

By: jeff

jeff — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:39:28 +0000

I imagine it’s difficult for a woman to feel sexual desire for a man for whom she has contempt. Yet in our society women in a thousand different ways are encouraged to feel contempt for their husbands.

And the more contempt they feel the worse the sex will be, which will further increase the contempt.

By: NYC Educator

NYC Educator — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 12:21:30 +0000

Tom in GA,

Great comment. Thanks for making me laugh out loud.