Honey, I downsized the kids

Parenting calls for sacrifice, writes Detroit Free Press columnist Michael Rosenberg. So he and his wife have laid off one of their children.

Reducing the two kids to part-time status proved unworkable.

One night, as I was tucking my daughter into bed, she looked me in the eyes and said, “Daddy, will you stay with me for a few minutes?”

“I would love to, sweetheart,” I said, “but it is the end of your shift.”

I won’t go into detail on her reaction. Suffice it to say she was unprofessional.

The three-year-old daughter had seniority. The five-month-old son was more cost-efficient. Which should go?

One night, our son released some toxic assets on his changing table, and we decided he would be the one to leave. But the next day, our daughter totally squandered our remaining grilled-cheese resources, and we were undecided again.

Rosenberg doesn’t reveal the final decision.

I used to joke with my daughter about how much I could get by selling her, but after awhile the value of a used child goes down. And I’d sunk so much into snacks.

Via Core Knowledge Blog.

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  1. Eric Jablow says:

    Perhaps we should reread Swift, J., A Modest Proposal: For Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Public [London, 1729].