Failure is not an option

In The Great Grade Bailout, Gently Hew Stone proposes federal action to ensure that failing students don’t fail.

So every slacker who sat there and chose to finish a class with a 2% grade will now get to graduate, which is perfectly fair.  Uncle Sam will guarantee the success of every student in America.  After all, what with the obesity epidemic, most American kids are “too big to fail.”

Students won’t even have to show up to class!

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  1. Diana Senechal says:

    Brilliant. If failure is not an option, why don’t we just get rid of it?

    Another bonus: with failure eliminated, there will be no need for excuses, so we will truly have a “no excuses” culture at last.

    Some have said that we learn from failure. But if we’re all succeeding, why do we have to learn anyway?

  2. LOL … this reminds me of what our school’s “awards night” has devolved to: “awards” are given out to students who were, for example, office or teacher aides, or for mere participation in some extracurricular activity … right alongside those with 4.0 GPAs and other [real] academic honors.

  3. Physics Teacher says:

    If you go a gym you’ll notice that the musclebound folks lift till failure. The soccer mom with a teeny dumbell in one hand and a cellphone in the other consistently doesn’t experience muscle failure. Who’s succeeding here?

    We should never have allowed the educational ivory tower to define what success in school means. They’ve simply defined it as 100% (or almost). This admits almost no possibility of making mistakes or learning from them.

    The ed experts remind me of Nigel Tufnel of This is Spinal Tap fame. “This student student scored a 99%. This other student (in another school in another state) scored 87%. The first student is 12 SMARTER!”