Is your baby a sniveling wimp? Nothing But Tears shampoo will toughen up your snookums, reports The Onion.
“We at Johnson & Johnson have been making bath time a safe and soothing experience for far too long,” company CEO William C. Weldon said. “Years of pampering have left our newborns helpless, feeble, and ill-equipped for the arduous road ahead.”
Michelle Baker, head of new product development. promises the product will teach babies to face reality.
. . . “life isn’t all hugs and kisses and rainbows. Maybe I need to get my fucking act together.'”
Added Baker, “Johnson & Johnson will kick your baby’s ass into gear.”
For real? No, it’s The Onion.