Comments on: An inconvenient boy http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/ Thinking and Linking by Joanne Jacobs Fri, 10 Feb 2012 04:51:22 +0000 hourly 1 By: Margo/Mom http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/#comment-38710 Margo/Mom Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:52:27 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/?p=5732#comment-38710 C33--and had you accomplished this feat and in this manner by the time they were of day care age (say age 3-4)? C33–and had you accomplished this feat and in this manner by the time they were of day care age (say age 3-4)?

]]> By: Catch Thirty-Three http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/#comment-38709 Catch Thirty-Three Tue, 12 Aug 2008 03:28:09 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/?p=5732#comment-38709 Margo/Mom, My response, based on your history of posts, will make you extremely squeamish. How do you train boys to make that happen? A belt worked for me... Margo/Mom,

My response, based on your history of posts, will make you extremely squeamish.

How do you train boys to make that happen?

A belt worked for me…

]]> By: Margo/Mom http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/#comment-38708 Margo/Mom Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:12:30 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/?p=5732#comment-38708 David M. I wonder how old your sons were when you could be certain that any time they left the house they would do everything adults told them, never run when they were supposed to walk, always be quiet at nap time, oh, and never fight over toys. And how do you train then to make this happen? David M.

I wonder how old your sons were when you could be certain that any time they left the house they would do everything adults told them, never run when they were supposed to walk, always be quiet at nap time, oh, and never fight over toys. And how do you train then to make this happen?

]]> By: Charles R. Williams http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/#comment-38707 Charles R. Williams Sun, 10 Aug 2008 18:34:38 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/?p=5732#comment-38707 It seems the boy is in day-care and not preschool. Maybe he needs to be home with his mother instead of being "institutionalized" as he has been for the last three years. They say day-care can lead to more aggressive behavior. It seems the boy is in day-care and not preschool. Maybe he needs to be home with his mother instead of being “institutionalized” as he has been for the last three years. They say day-care can lead to more aggressive behavior.

]]> By: holly http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/#comment-38706 holly Sun, 10 Aug 2008 15:04:57 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/?p=5732#comment-38706 Sounds like...a boy. I grew up playing with boys--in sandboxes, on swingsets daring one another to jump, or otherwise just being active. They were more fun than playing with the other little girls who just wanted to play house, or tea party, or other (quiet) things. Girls are ideal for preschools--they're predisposed to be more quiet and better behaved than boys of the same age. Sounds like…a boy. I grew up playing with boys–in sandboxes, on swingsets daring one another to jump, or otherwise just being active. They were more fun than playing with the other little girls who just wanted to play house, or tea party, or other (quiet) things. Girls are ideal for preschools–they’re predisposed to be more quiet and better behaved than boys of the same age.

]]> By: Fred http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/#comment-38705 Fred Sun, 10 Aug 2008 07:31:50 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/?p=5732#comment-38705 Sounds like a perfectly normal Klingon child. He sounds like many of the kids I grew up with. Most of us grew up OK. Sounds like a perfectly normal Klingon child. He sounds like many of the kids I grew up with. Most of us grew up OK.

]]> By: Robert Wright http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/#comment-38704 Robert Wright Sat, 09 Aug 2008 22:26:33 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/?p=5732#comment-38704 Normal to sock a child in the face and make his nose bleed? Sure it's normal--when nobody is around telling you it's wrong. Lower standards low enough and it eliminates all bad behavior. By definition. Normal to sock a child in the face and make his nose bleed?

Sure it’s normal–when nobody is around telling you it’s wrong.

Lower standards low enough and it eliminates all bad behavior. By definition.

]]> By: David McElroy http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/#comment-38703 David McElroy Sat, 09 Aug 2008 21:50:34 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/?p=5732#comment-38703 I don't have an opinion about whether he should have been kicked out or not (because I don't know the details of his history at the school), but it sounds as though the problem is with his parents. If the father thinks it's acceptable for kids "to run around and be up when adults want them to be quiet," it seems as though he doesn't understand that a child has to be trained NOT to do what comes naturally. Yes, it is normal for a child to WANT to do what he wants all the time, but it's the job of responsible parents to teach children to be controlled, first by adults and later by themselves. A kid who is justified when he just follows his instincts is a kid who's later going to have trouble with lack of self-control. I don’t have an opinion about whether he should have been kicked out or not (because I don’t know the details of his history at the school), but it sounds as though the problem is with his parents. If the father thinks it’s acceptable for kids “to run around and be up when adults want them to be quiet,” it seems as though he doesn’t understand that a child has to be trained NOT to do what comes naturally. Yes, it is normal for a child to WANT to do what he wants all the time, but it’s the job of responsible parents to teach children to be controlled, first by adults and later by themselves. A kid who is justified when he just follows his instincts is a kid who’s later going to have trouble with lack of self-control.

]]> By: Margo/Mom http://www.joannejacobs.com/2008/08/an-inconvenient-boy/#comment-38702 Margo/Mom Sat, 09 Aug 2008 20:41:22 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/?p=5732#comment-38702 I have seen data that suggests that pre-schools have a bit of a problem when it comes to suspension/expusion. And since most are completely in the private realm, this is how it goes. While I can sympathize with low-paid, not very well-educated, overworked child care workers (although I would expect a bit more from a University Family Development Center) dealing with problems by trying to make them (the kids) go away, the reality is that some kids are easier to work with than others. Ask any parent with 2 or more children. This doesn't make them pathological. I think what they need is a grandmother--someone to say to a cranky four year old (with authority), you are going to come down the hall with me. Now, sit on my lap in the rocking chair and tell me what you are so upset about and we'll see if we can figure out how to make it better. Key is understanding that an overtired four year old has probably gone beyond their ability to "self-sooth," but this doesn't mean that they don't still need to sleep. I have filled that role before with kids (even ones that were threatening death) and it generally works. Boys particularly seem to respond by falling to sleep--if you can just get them to hold still. But I also have a son who came to a parting of the ways with a child care center at about age 4. He did things like taking the toys off of the shelves, not respecting other children's toys. I was glad to leave--things were not going well. And I would say that he has always been a child with more intensive supervision needs and I understand (believe me I understand) how tiring this can be. It frequently wasn't the particular things that he did (although he had his own particularly creative response to the world as well) as just the constancy of ALWAYS doing something. We have got to beef up our commitment to finding ways to care for the needs of all the kids--even the tough ones. They are so interesting. I have seen data that suggests that pre-schools have a bit of a problem when it comes to suspension/expusion. And since most are completely in the private realm, this is how it goes. While I can sympathize with low-paid, not very well-educated, overworked child care workers (although I would expect a bit more from a University Family Development Center) dealing with problems by trying to make them (the kids) go away, the reality is that some kids are easier to work with than others. Ask any parent with 2 or more children. This doesn’t make them pathological.

I think what they need is a grandmother–someone to say to a cranky four year old (with authority), you are going to come down the hall with me. Now, sit on my lap in the rocking chair and tell me what you are so upset about and we’ll see if we can figure out how to make it better. Key is understanding that an overtired four year old has probably gone beyond their ability to “self-sooth,” but this doesn’t mean that they don’t still need to sleep. I have filled that role before with kids (even ones that were threatening death) and it generally works. Boys particularly seem to respond by falling to sleep–if you can just get them to hold still.

But I also have a son who came to a parting of the ways with a child care center at about age 4. He did things like taking the toys off of the shelves, not respecting other children’s toys. I was glad to leave–things were not going well. And I would say that he has always been a child with more intensive supervision needs and I understand (believe me I understand) how tiring this can be. It frequently wasn’t the particular things that he did (although he had his own particularly creative response to the world as well) as just the constancy of ALWAYS doing something.

We have got to beef up our commitment to finding ways to care for the needs of all the kids–even the tough ones. They are so interesting.

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