Comments on: The perils of praise http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/ Thinking and Linking by Joanne Jacobs Fri, 10 Feb 2012 04:51:22 +0000 hourly 1 By: JJ http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31155 JJ Sat, 17 Feb 2007 00:46:31 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31155 Ah, well, that's true. :D Ah, well, that’s true. :D

]]> By: Indigo Warrior http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31154 Indigo Warrior Fri, 16 Feb 2007 16:47:11 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31154 I just wanted to deflate the myth of the freewheeling, child-centered, happy-go-lucky America vs. oppressively Gradgrindian Asia. For American kids born in the last decade whose parents are successful professionals, the "freewheeling" part is likely true. American kids from blue-collar ghettos in the middle of last century tell a very different story! Both American and Asian cultures have their oppressiveness, their mindless tribal conformity. It's not just "guilt vs. shame", as oversimplified by the media. I just wanted to deflate the myth of the freewheeling, child-centered, happy-go-lucky America vs. oppressively Gradgrindian Asia. For American kids born in the last decade whose parents are successful professionals, the “freewheeling” part is likely true. American kids from blue-collar ghettos in the middle of last century tell a very different story!

Both American and Asian cultures have their oppressiveness, their mindless tribal conformity. It’s not just “guilt vs. shame”, as oversimplified by the media.

]]> By: JJ http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31153 JJ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 22:46:40 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31153 "...their culture being supportive of their individual talents from an early age." As long as those talents fall in line with what Asian society deems is acceptable. I mean, I really don't think that most Asian kids have some innate talent for the violin, piano, cello, or flute. I certainly didn't. It's just become the default activity of choice for many Asians. If an Asian kid decided he preferred electric guitar, his parents might have heart palpitations. “…their culture being supportive of their individual talents from an early age.”

As long as those talents fall in line with what Asian society deems is acceptable. I mean, I really don’t think that most Asian kids have some innate talent for the violin, piano, cello, or flute. I certainly didn’t. It’s just become the default activity of choice for many Asians. If an Asian kid decided he preferred electric guitar, his parents might have heart palpitations.

]]> By: Indigo Warrior http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31152 Indigo Warrior Thu, 15 Feb 2007 18:34:15 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31152 curm: <I>That’s why Americans won’t take the Asian solution which includes large doses of failure, social sanctions, and in severe cases humiliation. If no one can feel bad about themselves, you deny people the chance to really feel good as well.</I> American society too has a good share of failure, social sanctions, and humiliation - often at a very early age. How often do you hear of an Asian kid being labelled a "sissy" or "fag" for preferring violin to electric guitar, or preferring geometry to baseball? The stereotype of Asians being obsessive-compulsive or "just plain crazy" (promoted by oh-so-non-racist Hollywood) originates from their culture being supportive of their individual talents from an early age. The real difference is that the failures in Asian societies are the unproductive ones; and in American society, the unphotogenic ones. curm:

That’s why Americans won’t take the Asian solution which includes large doses of failure, social sanctions, and in severe cases humiliation. If no one can feel bad about themselves, you deny people the chance to really feel good as well.

American society too has a good share of failure, social sanctions, and humiliation – often at a very early age. How often do you hear of an Asian kid being labelled a “sissy” or “fag” for preferring violin to electric guitar, or preferring geometry to baseball? The stereotype of Asians being obsessive-compulsive or “just plain crazy” (promoted by oh-so-non-racist Hollywood) originates from their culture being supportive of their individual talents from an early age.

The real difference is that the failures in Asian societies are the unproductive ones; and in American society, the unphotogenic ones.

]]> By: JJ http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31151 JJ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 08:29:52 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31151 That's funny. I think I received more of the "you must be smart" compliments as a little kid (Asian here, btw), but I remember that I liked going after the tougher stuff. Of course, memory tends to play tricks on us, so perhaps I'm just deluding myself. My reasoning for liking the hard work was because I was a competitive little weasel and thought, "I want to be the best, and I'm really not the best if I get 100% on this while so-and-so gets 100% on that." And sometimes the easy stuff is just way too boring. Who wants to keep doing the easiest sudoku puzzles over and over again when the more tantalizing advanced levels await? That’s funny. I think I received more of the “you must be smart” compliments as a little kid (Asian here, btw), but I remember that I liked going after the tougher stuff. Of course, memory tends to play tricks on us, so perhaps I’m just deluding myself.

My reasoning for liking the hard work was because I was a competitive little weasel and thought, “I want to be the best, and I’m really not the best if I get 100% on this while so-and-so gets 100% on that.”

And sometimes the easy stuff is just way too boring. Who wants to keep doing the easiest sudoku puzzles over and over again when the more tantalizing advanced levels await?

]]> By: tim from texas http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31150 tim from texas Thu, 15 Feb 2007 02:52:11 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31150 If all work and effort is praised how will anyone recognize quality effort, work, quality anything. If all work and effort is praised how will anyone recognize quality effort, work, quality anything.

]]> By: david foster http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31149 david foster Thu, 15 Feb 2007 00:43:38 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31149 "Blanket praise for everyone is meaningless"...one of my nephews, when he was about 8, was shown a school video on the general theme "you are wonderful." He came home and said to my sister, "Mom, how do they know I'm wonderful? They don't even know me!" “Blanket praise for everyone is meaningless”…one of my nephews, when he was about 8, was shown a school video on the general theme “you are wonderful.” He came home and said to my sister, “Mom, how do they know I’m wonderful? They don’t even know me!”

]]> By: curm http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31148 curm Wed, 14 Feb 2007 23:23:34 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31148 Sometimes the best reward is avoiding an unpleasant punishment. That's why Americans won't take the Asian solution which includes large doses of failure, social sanctions, and in severe cases humiliation. If no one can feel bad about themselves, you deny people the chance to really feel good as well. Sometimes the best reward is avoiding an unpleasant punishment.

That’s why Americans won’t take the Asian solution which includes large doses of failure, social sanctions, and in severe cases humiliation. If no one can feel bad about themselves, you deny people the chance to really feel good as well.

]]> By: Michael Lopez http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31147 Michael Lopez Wed, 14 Feb 2007 21:58:13 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31147 There is a peril in praising effort as well, however, one with which I am quite familiar. If you spend too much time praising a student for effort, they may come to see a heroic failure as actually more desireable than than an easy victory -- they may come to value the effort more than the result. This is, of course, precisely at odds with what matters once you are OUT of school. No one cares how hard you try or how many obstacles that you have to overcome or how exhausted you are: they just want performance. There is a peril in praising effort as well, however, one with which I am quite familiar. If you spend too much time praising a student for effort, they may come to see a heroic failure as actually more desireable than than an easy victory — they may come to value the effort more than the result. This is, of course, precisely at odds with what matters once you are OUT of school. No one cares how hard you try or how many obstacles that you have to overcome or how exhausted you are: they just want performance.

]]> By: EvilHRLady http://www.joannejacobs.com/2007/02/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31146 EvilHRLady Wed, 14 Feb 2007 21:21:16 +0000 http://joannejacobs.com/2007/02/14/the-perils-of-praise/#comment-31146 This makes so much sense. As a child I was repeatedly told how smart I was. When my 5th grade teacher decided to try some new technique that involved the class picking our own spelling words, I always picked easy words I'd been spelling correctly for years. I was so scared of failure that I didn't stretch myself at all. I wonder if the teacher ever noticed or said anything to my parents. She certainly didn't say anything to me about it. This makes so much sense. As a child I was repeatedly told how smart I was. When my 5th grade teacher decided to try some new technique that involved the class picking our own spelling words, I always picked easy words I’d been spelling correctly for years.

I was so scared of failure that I didn’t stretch myself at all. I wonder if the teacher ever noticed or said anything to my parents. She certainly didn’t say anything to me about it.

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