Not cool

Alternaparents think they’re cool people raising cool kids — not at all like their boring parents — but Globe and Mail columnist Leah MacLaren suggests they grow up. And shut up about their kids.

. . . all this talk of the importance of punk rock and downing tequila shots between play dates is nothing more than a flimsy excuse to do what self-absorbed parents have always done: Inundate everyone around them with stories about how special and cute their kids are. . . .

Even more tedious than the cute-kid stories (which most of us have come to accept and tolerate) is the alternaparent stance of, “I’m a Dad now — isn’t that ironic?” No. It’s not. I know you partied hard in your 20s. I know you made art your priority. I know you vowed to never sell out by owning a car or a house or any of that bourgeois crap. I can see how surprised you are by your own ability to do a 180 on this position and become the guy in the park with the baby jogger. But guess what? No one else is surprised. You are a mammal. Your job on this planet is to procreate. And no amount of rave-going or ecstasy-dropping was ever going to change that.

Changing a diaper with a Jagermeister hangover is still just changing a diaper.

Words of wisdom, says Rosenblog.

It all reminds me of the Mr. Mom era when every time a man changed a diaper, he wrote a book about it.

About Joanne


  1. charles R. Williams says:

    Personally, I find nothing so tedious as 20-40 year olds who have not grown up and started to “breed”. My future son-n-law, whoever he may be, can talk all the nonsense he wants to about my grandchildren and I will listen patiently. I have no interest in his car or his music or his designer haircuts or his tattoo or his video games or even his politics.

    While we are at it, the term “breeder” is offensive to us “mammals” who consider children a gift from God.

  2. Actually, there are few things I find more tedious than people who think WHATEVER “lifestyle choice” they’ve made makes them cooler-than-thou.

    I mean, I don’t mind if they THINK it. I just don’t want to have to sit and listen to them natter on about the “irony” of them having children.

    Look – to the kid, their existence is not an “irony.” It is their existence. Shut up and be a parent.

    I openly admit that I’m uncool. I don’t care. I’m a grown-up; grown-ups are not supposed to be cool.

  3. A Jagermeister hangover would be accomplishment enough. I’d sooner wring out the diaper.

  4. tim from texas says:

    We, the “mature wise adults”, have allowed the younguns to be fed BS,watch BS,think BS. Now they’re full of it. Surprise,surprise.