Future Dregs of America

From The Onion: A Labor Department report charges high schools are not preparing future dropouts for unemployment.

“Our public high schools place too much focus on preparing kids for professional careers,” (Labor Secretary Elaine) Chao said. “This waste of resources leaves our dropouts, the majority of whom have no chance of ever finding a job, wholly unprepared to sleep till 1 p.m., or watch daytime television while eating ramen noodles out of an upturned Frisbee.”

It’s not easy being a dreg of society.

About Joanne


  1. This is absolutely hilarious, but they forgot to mention the vital role the Ed schools play in training teachers to teach the kids worthless nonsense.

    Horrible the way they slander teachers’ unions, time for a champion to step up. Sir Lancelot? Not answering his phone. Perhaps Sir Mike de Texas would step up?

  2. Maybe there’s been a change of policy at The Onion and now they’re running news stories that can be easily mistaken for satire, along with their trademark satire that bears a resemblence to news.

  3. Walter E. Wallis says:

    Doesn’t some local JC teach dumpster diving?

  4. Abolutely shocking! These dregs don’t even have the ambition to use some Human Resources bigot for target practice.

  5. And yet the author betrays their age. The blood supply has been volunteer in the US since the early 80’s. No quick cash from the red cross these days unless you are a phoresis donor – and that’s a tough row to hoe (2 hours on the machine and you have to bring your own movies). Still, they do give out free cookies.

  6. Ivory: There are plasma donation companies (Biolife is the local one, I think) that do pay for donations. In this university town a lot of students decide selling their plasma is a fast way to make cash (I think you can get up to $200 a month).