Once a 100-hour-a-week senior vice president of Saloman Smith Barney, now she’s turned that intensity into raising a child. What’s a mother to do? Become an “alpha mom.” New York Metro reports on Isabel Kallman’s plans to become the Martha Stewart of motherhood. She is founding a business:
an all-day, all-night, on-demand cable channel where “mothers seeking excellence,” according to press releases, would be able to find “the latest, best-of-breed information” on everything from preconception and child development to how women can “maintain their style, sophistication and sense-of-self upon entering mommyhood.” Isabel’s channel, Alpha Mom TV, was for “the new breed of ‘go to’ moms who are constantly looking to be ahead of the curve and ‘in the know’ on the newest innovations, hippest trends and research breakthroughs.”
The alpha mom’s goal is to dominate all the other mothers on the playground.
Which didn’t sound too cuddly, but as Isabel’s business partner, Vicky Germaise, explained, that was the point. The logo of Alpha Mom TV is not pink and blue but red, white, and black, she said. If not to become strong, for what should a modern mother strive? “Soft and mushy mom?” Come on, said Vicky. “Betty Crocker’s over!”
The “alpha mom” has no maternal instincts, so she turned to book learning and nannies.
The more Isabel’s child demanded of her, the more she went out to learn. And the more she learned, the more she was told to stay close — and the more people she hired who could do that for her.
This was motherhood’s magic bullet, the most valuable lesson Isabel learned in her studies: “It takes a village.” Isabel quickly hired one. Her son was just 2 weeks old when she retained a night nurse. When he was 5 months, “I started realizing I needed to get out more,” and she brought on a nanny. Then after about a year, when she started working, “I obviously needed more help,” so she hired a regular babysitter as well—also often employing her father and an Alpha Mom intern.
Now she works 100 hours a week on her Alpha TV network so she can spread anxiety to other mothers.
This is a funny, sad piece. I wonder what will become of baby Ryland. At least, his father sounds semi-sane.