Prom undress

Kimberly Swygert is so old and unhip she thinks a $495 prom dress should cover a girl’s breasts.

Actually, Stuyvesant High students have their doubts too. “Double-sided tape doesn’t last all night, one girl pointed out.

“If you wore that to prom, you’d be falling out of it all night,” says senior Angela Cho. “There’s also hardly any material. I can’t believe it costs $400. You could make it yourself if you really wanted to.”

. .. “This dress would look great at a prom if the model in the picture wore it,” says senior Vlaz Ermant, “but we don’t have any girls like that at our school.”

That’s Vlaz the Impugner, who’s not getting a date with a classmate any time soon.

About Joanne


  1. I hope Vlaz the Impugner is a senior, ’cause after insulting the entire female population of the school, the rest of his time there is going to be mighty boring.

  2. “Vlaz the Impugner!” That’s perfect. I, too, marveled at his comment, because the girl featured in the photo looks like your average, slender, non-surgically-enhanced teenage girl. And there are none like that at Vlaz’s school, according to him?

    So, he’s got bad taste in prom dresses AND a poor attitude towards the girls in his school. A double threat. Methinks he’ll be staying home on prom night this year…

  3. Independent George says:

    Is it me, or is that dress just… tacky?

    Forget, for a moment, how revealing it is. I think it’s just plain ugly.

  4. superdestroyer says:

    Prom are a anachronism that comes from a time when America was more rural and people thought students needed a “formal” even to ensure that knew what to do. Know that most of America is suburban, students have many chances to attend formal events. In addition, since most proms are held in Hotel ballrooms and other private spaces, the student do not even get the experience of planning, organizing, and putting on a prom.

    In the day of date rape, teenage binge drinking, and liability insurance problems, why don’t schools just end proms?

  5. Ross the Heartless Conservative says:

    I think the young lady who said the dress is “whoreish” had the best description. But to show that I am both old and ignorant of the tricks that women have to do, what is the purpose of the two sided tape? If it is used for what it sounds like it would be used for does it matter how well endowed the wearer is?

  6. You can binge drink and have sex in your ordinary clothes. Proms are harmless enough.
    Ross-double-sided tape is sticky on both sides (duh—like carpet tape). You press one side against flesh and one side against fabric. The size doesn’t make any differenece–try not to drool on your keyboard.

  7. Photographic angle is everything. Yes, the dress is daring, but if you look at the pictures on, you’ll see it’s nowhere near as heart-stopping as the NY Post picture.

  8. Walter E. Wallis says:

    Why not just net stockings, 6 inch heels and a leather garter belt and that other leather thing – and a whip?

  9. Ross the Heartless Conservative says:

    Thanks for the warning, I have shorted out 3 keyboards already this year and January is not even over yet!

  10. Mad Scientist says:

    You need to check out the other link Joanne provides: It seems the photo in the Post was for publicity, as the stupid girl is wearing it backwards. The dress, when worn properly is still a little to provocative, but actually pretty classy looking.

    Also not, the link provided also shows the cost of the dress at $238. Still no bargain, but much more reasonable.

  11. The scary part is that you can get that dress in sizes up to a size 30! A girl with a 45 inch bust can get this dress. I wish I’d blocked that mental image.

  12. …as the stupid girl is wearing it backwards

    That explains the smirk…

  13. Wow, Vlad’s comment brings me back to my undergraduate career, at a school populated by hormonal young men who would complain that there were no good-looking girls in the department, and then complain that they weren’t getting any. Apparently they didn’t realize that rampant misogyny wasn’t necessarily conducive to, um, action.

  14. Walter E. Wallis wrote:

    Why not just net stockings, 6 inch heels and a leather garter belt and that other leather thing – and a whip?

    Walter, go take a cold shower.

  15. nailsagainsttheboard says:

    How about a return to modesty–ie. self-respect, class, and public decorum? Why are girls dressing like skanks? Why are boys dressing like thugz in the ‘hood? Because they can. Because it is tolerated. It shouldn’t be. Enough. And ’nuff said.