Speed Tolkien

“Return of the King” moves quickly in Big Arm Woman’s thumbnail guide.

Meanwhile, back in Rivendell

Arwen – “I cry too beautifully to not be in this part of the film.”

Elrond – “Why are you back here?”

Arwen – “I see dead people.”

Elrond – “Wrong movie. And that was your future son. Guess I’ll have to reforge that damn sword and take it to Aragorn.”

Arwen – “I’ll just languish here tragically, then.”

Elrond – “Whatever.”

. . . Meanwhile, back in Rohan

Elrond – “Here’s your damn sword. And by the way, Arwen is languishing tragically in Rivendell, so hurry up and kick the ass of evil, okay?”

Aragorn – “How?”

Elrond – “I see dead people.”

Aragorn – “Wrong movie.”

Elrond – “Just go talk to the Evil Dead and get an ass-kicking army that you will inexplicably let go before they get a chance to, oh, I don’t know, KILL ALL OF SAURON’S MINIONS, or anything useful like that.”

Aragorn – “Okay.”

Eowyn – “Hey! Where do you think you’re going?”

Aragorn – “I’m not going to explain to you, because I am all mysterious and noble and stuff. By the way, I don’t love you. Bye!”

About Joanne


  1. John Thacker says:

    Huh. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen a thumbnail guide to a movie or TV series online lack thumbnails. I guess the exact usage of the term has mutated in the several years since I’ve seen it.

  2. Joanne, thanks for the link. It’s hilarious.