Have yourself a non-offensive holiday

Go to Small Victory for the envision a politically correct holiday season contest.

Like Kimberly, I’m fond of this version of “Walking Through a Winter Wonderland”:

In the meadow we can build a snowperson,
Then pretend that he or she is a member of the clergy from the religion of your choice or, if you prefer, a justice of the peace.

He or she’ll say: Are you married?
We’ll say: No person,
Because marriage is a paternalistic construct
Designed to suppress women

Or, to stick to scholastic themes:

Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say “Throw cares away!” with the aid of ritalin or another doctor prescribed mood stabilizer, but not with any illegal substances, because we have a zero tolerance policy.

About Joanne

Comments

  1. The very term Christmas is a violation of the seperation of church and state: I suggest we change the name of the holiday to JC’s Birthday….Second thought..I guess not.

  2. We wish you a merry day or set of days toward the beginning of Winter in the Northern Hemisphere.

    We wish you a merry day or set of days toward the beginning of Winter in the Northern Hemisphere.

    We wish you a merry day or set of days toward the beginning of Winter in the Northern Hemisphere and a happy changing of the year based on the primary calendar of your country.

    Good tiding we bring
    to you and anyoneyouwishtoincludeinsuchthings.

  3. PJ/Maryland says:

    We wish you a merry day or set of days toward the beginning of Winter in the Northern Hemisphere.

    Keith, I worry that this statement ignores the Southern Hemisphere, where it’s the beginning of summer. We shouldn’t blatantly disregard our Southern brethren & sistern!

    I suggest, “We wish you a merry Solstice.” Not only is this appropriate in either hemisphere, it can also be used in June at (what we Northerners call) the summer solstice!

  4. Lileks once had a great screed on this subject which he has since (kind of ironically) been obliged to pull. The line I remember is this: “What am I supposed to do if some kind old gentleman wishes me a happy Hannukah? Tell him to go to hell? C’mon, people!” His point being, of course, that if one is offended by another’s sincere well wishing in the holiday spirit, the problem does not lie with the person saying “Merry Christmas” or even “Happy Hannukah.”

  5. ccwbass,

    I feel strongly, both ways, about your statement. Not too strongly though, because that would imply intolerance, on my part, towards those who may or may not feel strongly about your statement. I hope I’ve made myself clear on this point……

  6. Insufficiently Sensitive says:

    Bravo ccwbass! And to all you oversensitive creatures, Merry Christmas one month early. Now go suffer – it’s YOUR problem.

  7. Bill,

    C’mon – make a bold statement. I promise that I absolutely will not sue you for any well wishes you may send my way.

    I’ll sue your internet provider instead! Bwa-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaa!!

    Merry Christmas.

    (Sorry for the silliness; I just found out I don’t have to come into work on Friday, so I’m really in a wonderful mood and, honestly, I probably shouldn’t type anything when I’m feeling giddy.)

  8. The way I see it, every time someone wishes me a Happy Anything it can only help.

    Oh, and PJ, “sistern”? Sound too much like cistern.

Trackbacks

  1. Joanne takes us to lunch

    Joanne Jacobs, by way of Michelle from A Small Victory, envisions a politically correct holiday. (I’m linking to Joanne because I already read Michelle’s post.) It’s been a while since I’ve read from Joanne, so here’s an entirely different look…